Joe Biden Appoints First Transgender Drone Strike Operator

“My administration wants every American to feel represented when we bomb the ever-loving shit out of weddings in Yemen.” 

By Scott Slute

North Carolina - After revoking President Trump’s ban on transgender military personnel in January, President Joe Biden has continued in his goal to make America more progressive by appointing the first openly transgender person to blow up schools in the Middle East. 

“For too long, the United States Air Force has not been a place of inclusion. But that ends today with me using my Presidential power to appoint America’s first ever transgender drone strike operator,” said President Biden, “My administration wants every American to feel represented when we bomb the ever-loving shit out of weddings in Yemen.” 

Airperson First Class Karla Holmes was appointed to the position late Thursday evening. She tells us she is excited to not only be the first openly trans member of the USAF, but the first openly trans person to be given the opportunity to execute brown people while drinking Mountain Dew. 

“I am proud to be an inspiration to all trans girls and boys across America who also dream of one day getting to murder civilians in a country we aren’t at war with from a desk 6000 miles away,” the 23 year old A1C Holmes tells us, “All American’s, regardless of their gender identity, should feel represented in our warcrimes.” 

The United States military has welcomed Airperson Holmes into their ranks, stating they are more than willing to embrace soldiers of any and all gender identities who are willing to blow up kids using a desktop computer. 

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold