Toronto Barbershop Reopens After Starting To Sell Oranges

By Scott Slute

Toronto - Get a trim, a shave, and… oranges? That’s right! One barber shop in Toronto has been granted permission to reopen during the city-wide lockdown after the shop announced they would begin selling the popular fruit.

With the addition of this one single grocery item, “His Royal Highness: Men’s Lounge and Barber Shop” located at Queen St W and Dovercourt Ave, has been deemed an essential service by the city. The shop says they were inspired by the big box across around the city, such as The Hudson’s Bay who have been allowed to keep all 7 floors open because they have a few dry pastas in the basement for sale. 

The newly updated menu at His Royal Highness

“What’s important to remember is that we’re an orange retailer first, who just also happen to offer a couple hair-related service,” shop owner Alex Harland announced on social media today, “We are all in this together, and we want Torontonians to know they can always count on us for all their orange related needs. And while waiting in our socially-distanced line to buy an orange, we are pleased to offer our patrons haircuts!”

To make the transition to being an orange-based retailer as smooth as possible, the team has brought on Carlos, a former stockboy at Freshco, to take the lead on the transition to grocery store. 

“Oh Carlos is great! Super hard working kid, glad to have him aboard,” shop owner Alex tells us, “Plus he came with his own apron so he’s already got the uniform down. Now all we have to do is give him a couple hand tattoos and the exact same fade cut we all have and he’ll fit right in with the rest of the staff.”

“I’m very nervous and extremely unqualified to be a produce manager. I have no concept on how the orange supply chain works,” Carlos tells us, “I was only able to steal two cartons of oranges from Freshco on my last day. Oh shit! I mean no, I bought them. Wait, who are you guys again?” 

In related essential business news, the Canadian Tire at Yonge and Bloor announced they were going to slap together a couple elliptical machines and open their own gym in aisle 36 of their essential business. 

Scott Slute is the Editor-in-Chief at The Toronto Harold

You can help support The Toronto Harold by joining our Patreon!