Toronto Deems “Tent Cities” OK As Long As They’re Only For Rich White Ladies To Do Yoga In

The new encampment outside Hotel X will allow Toronto yoga enthusiasts to continue practicing hot yoga while acting like they’re victims for only $40 a class.

By Scott Slute

Toronto - As the homeless population across the city struggle to find safe shelter during the ongoing pandemic, more and more encampments have been popping up in various public spaces, much to the dismay of city and provincial officials. This week, however, the city loosened these criticisms by allowing 50 plastic bubble domes to be erected so white people could do some hot yoga. 

As more and more so-called “Tent Cities” have been popping up in parks across Toronto including Moss Park, Dufferin Grove and Trinity Bellwoods, Premier Doug Ford gave harsh criticism to those struggling to find a safe place to stay. He stated this week that “you just can’t camp in a park”, though did acknowledge the city could be doing more to provide adequate shelter for those less fortunate. He did however praise the new yoga encampment that popped up in the parking lot of a hotel that has been completely empty for months.  

City health officials have raised concerns over the tent cities during the pandemic, claiming that it would be impossible to regulate social distancing within them and that the encampment’s populations were surpassing the safe numbers to gather in. This week however, they seemed to drop all concern for this so long as the 50 person encampment was only populated by wealthy, middle aged women all getting sweaty and out of breath in close proximity to one another. 

The new encampment, run by LMNTS Outdoor Studio, will allow participants to safely practise yoga in their 110 square foot dome, which is roughly the size of a $2000/month downtown bachelor apartment. Although many residents of other tent cities struggle with the summer heat and staying adequately hydrated, fear not as LMNTS’s encampment includes a fan in each tent as well as a water station!

And after over three months of not being able to loudly say “I can’t stay for long, I have a hot yoga class at 2!”, stay-at-home mothers and white girls who won’t miss a single opportunity to wedge white privilege into any conversation despite the fact that their dad pays the rent on their Liberty Village apartments were ecstatic about getting back to a live yoga class.

“I’m very excited to get back to my practise,” Meredith Hart tells us as she makes her way to the encampment from her G-Wagon while not wearing a mask, “I was doing yoga through some Youtube videos at the start of the pandemic, but I stopped that after realizing I only did yoga so other people could see me doing it.”

And as “Safe Infection Sites” have became more scarce during the COVID-19 pandemic, the city of Toronto announced yesterday they were planning to set up dozens of “Safe Drinking Jellyking And Smoking Nova Cannabis Prerolls Site” across affluently populated neighbourhood parks. 

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold