Not Wearing A Mask In Public Overtakes Ed Hardy T-Shirts As Easiest Way To Identify The Toughest Guy In The Room

By Scott Slute

Atlanta - A new study from the CDC has revealed that guys who refuse to wear masks in grocery stores have officially overtaken guys who wear Ed Hardy t-shirts as the new toughest and coolest men in America.

For the last decade, it was widely regarded that men who wore Ed Hardy clothing and Von Dutch hats were the ones most likely to start a fight with you for looking at them too long in a TGI Fridays, or to yell at their wives in public. Due to the still present COVID-19 pandemic, however, that spot has now been overtaken by dudes who refuse to wear masks while in crowded areas.

While it was previously believed that people who didn’t wear masks were recklessly endangering both themselves and those around them, the new research actually shows that not wearing a mask lets everyone around you know to “not tread on you” and that you can probably benchpress like 215lbs , AS WELL as recklessly endangering both yourself and those around you.     

“Our research indicates that if you see a very tanned man out in public while not wearing a mask, you can most definitely assume he has a very big penis,” Dr Michael Fringe of the CDC tells us, “Throw on a few extra inches if he drives a Ford F-150 with tinted out windows.”

Local cool dude and “guy who used to tell you your iPhone was taking pictures of your face and sending them to China but now for some reason is opposed to people covering their face for protection” Mario Lenocci was ecstatic to hear the news that everyone else waiting in line at Dunkin’ Donuts would now know how cool he is.

“Ya I always knew the only thing wearing a mask did was let everyone around you know you voted Democrat!”, Mario said right before going into a violent coughing fit and passing out in the parking lot of a Target.   

The CDC noted that if tough guys refused to wear masks, they should continue loudly and obnoxiously listening to 3 Doors Down in public to ensure others stay 6 feet away from them at all times. 

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold