Toronto Man Who Never Bothered With Reusable Water Bottles Or Cloth Grocery Bags Feeling Pretty Smug Today

By Andrew Scott

Toronto - As news broke last week that Canada’s Federal Court has overturned the Trudeau government’s ban on single-use plastics, Jason Carson, a 35-year-old midtown software developer who never seemed to remember to bring any one of the hundreds of cloth reusable grocery bags that crowd his kitchen cupboards with him to the grocery store, is feeling vindicated.

“Sure, the environment is important and all that,” says Carson, after tossing his Eat Morewrapper onto his front lawn, “but I never seemed to be able to get it together to bring those bags with me on my twice-per week trip to the grocery store. As a result, I got pretty darn good at precariously balancing all my items on top of one another while walking through the parking lot back to my car.”

Despite repeated reminders to bring reusable bags with him from his friends and family, Carson says that he knew that the ban would be overturned the minute that the TTC moved to allow riders to tap their credit cards for their entry fee. “I never bought a PRESTO card either,” stated a sanctimonious Carson. “Look who’s laughing now!” 

Andrew Scott is a musician and writer who lives in Toronto in a house amongst children, antiquated technology of yesteryear and many, many instruments. Instagram, writing, poetry, more poetry.