Putin Deploys Pat King And Tamara Lich To Kyiv To Destabilize Ukraine

By Graham Kritzer

Moscow - Surprising news out of the Kremlin today as Russian President Vladimir Putin confirmed that he would be putting noted Canadian halfwits Pat King and Tammy Lich in charge of a discrete informational campaign designed to bring Ukraine to its knees from the inside.

Citing what he called an ‘overwhelmingly successful tactical campaign waged upon the hapless Canadian Government and it’s equally bewildered constituents’, Putin was visibly excited when making the announcement to Russian Times TV this morning.

“It’s clear to see that all it took was like 5 trucks and a few dozen Ford 150's full of hillbilly dirt farmers to bring Canada to a grinding halt, and to divide it’s populace into smart, and really fucking stupid.”

Putin added, “and that was all thanks to Pat King and this crying lady…they really did a number on feeble-minded Canadians and I am confident they will do the same to the Ukrainian people who can’t read. Mostly because we burned all their books and libraries.”

When asked to comment from his jail cell, prominent grifter Pat King seemed excited at the chance to work with the Russian government adding, “If I know anything about Russians, they hate dictators like Trudeau and love freedom fighters like Stalin here, or Putin or whoever.” King then paused while his cellmate stole his lunch.

Graham Kritzer is a contributing writer at The Toronto Harold. More of his work can be found at @grahamkritzer