Man Completely Indifferent To Paper Straw

By Scott Slute

Cabbagetown - A local resident is breaking societal norms, and upsetting other residents, with his complete disinterest in forming an opinion on the completely useless yet environmentally conscious paper straw.

“It’s just a straw, I don’t really care,” 32 year old Josh Forester says of the worst product ever produced, “It’s just to drink with, I can’t really tell the difference.”

Those around Josh are becoming increasingly worried that when the topic of paper straws comes up Josh neither rants for 8 minutes about how the straw doesn’t work, nor does he praise what an incredible decision it is for companies to switch to the biodegradable option.

“I once saw him ask for a straw with his iced coffee, and when the barista handed him a paper one he just stuck it in his drink with no comment. It was the most disturbing thing I’ve ever witnessed,” an anonymous source tells us.

Those close to Josh are begging him to at least comment on the fact he is using a paper straw, before authorities are forced to intervene.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold