We Tried Answering Your Questions About Ontario’s Shutdown But Failed Because Literally No One Knows

The Ontario government announced a province-wide “shut down” today, and the rules are a little different than a lockdown. Or maybe they aren’t? We aren’t really sure but that’s ok because the people in charge also don’t know!

We asked our lockdown expert are the six most burning questions Ontarians have about the shutdown, and he had zero answers for them!

Will Schools Stay Open?

Most likely, as working parent’s rely on it for free childcare and their kids have to go somewhere while they go to their “essential job” at Dollarama that still gets to stay open at limited capacity. But who knows! It’s spring break next week babyyyyy and maybe it’ll last more than a week!

Am I Allowed See My Family?

Maybe if you’re outside? Unless your family is bigger than five. Or is it ten? Oh! You actually can see your entire extended family if you all go shopping at Costco together! Ok, yes. The answer is yes*.

Can I Get A Haircut?

Probably not in Toronto. Maybe in mid-April? Ummmmm, you could do it outside I think. Maybe if your roommate cuts your hair for you its fine. No beard trims though.

Are Malls Still Open?

Yup, but some of the stores inside are closed. Or maybe they aren’t? Is Hot Topic considered “essential”? If they are open there’ll be a security guard at the door pointing at a sign listing COVID symptoms for some reason. I never know what he’s saying though because I always have my AirPods in but nothing has ever happened when I just walk right by him.

Do Patios Have To Close?

Yes. Well I mean, this one’s more of a “yes”. Seeing as the government did absolutely nothing to ensure restaurants were enforcing rules like “four person tables max” and “only members of the same household at tables” well patios were open, I can’t imagine there’ll be repercussions if patios just stay open. So like yes, but really it’s a “yes”.

Can I Still Attend This Saturday’s Anti-Mask Rally Without Being Fined?

Absolutely. This one I for sure know the answer to. It’s a hard yes. March down the street with hundreds of other maskless people until your little heart’s content. The police will absolutely not ticket you.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold