Progress! Toronto Will Finally Let You Live In A Tent But Only If You’re Dying From COVID

By Scott Slute

Toronto - Hospital parking lots across the city are beginning to look like local parks, as Toronto prepares for an impending third wave of the coronavirus. The mobile units are being installed to combat the growing number of COVID-19 cases as Torontonians can’t stop going to Woodbridge to get their hair cut.

Despite spending the majority of the last 12 months doing more to combat tents than COVID, the city is finally coming around by building their own “tent cities” that will allow residents to permanently reside in these tents for the remaining few hours of their lives.

“We understand that this year has been extremely difficult for those in the city without permanent homes,” deputy mayor Ana Bailão tells us, “But we are excited to announce we have finally come to a resolution, and are encouraging all of those who wish to live in a tent to simply contract the coronavirus.”

Mayor John Tory shared that, although he was concerned the city had to resort to using mobile hospital sites, there was at least one thing to look forward to.

“These are troubling times, but better days are coming. And once this pandemic has passed, and the hospitals no longer require the mobile units, I will get to do my favourite thing in the whole world and tear down those semi-permanent structures with my own bare hands,” Tory announced on his Tok Tok account while dancing to a Coi Leray song.

On Friday, in an effort to create more hospital beds, city council will be voting on whether or not to reclassify Trinity Bellwoods Park as a “mobile hospital site”.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold