Canadian Cigarettes Will Now Carry Extremely Personal Comments About Where You Are In Life

Ottawa - Health Canada has passed a new mandate that will make it virtually impossible for cigarette smokers to not have their feelings hurt every time they light up.

The mandate requires all cigarettes sold in Canada to have weirdly specific labels in the form of questions or comments that target the smoker’s deepest insecurities.

Cigarettes will include such things as an announcement that your mom’s friend Linda’s son just got a new promotion at work and is now responsible for the entire western division of his company, or will ask how you’re coming along with your plan to save for a down payment on a condo.

The statements are a part of Health Canada’s plan to reduce smoking to 5% by 2035, however since the judgemental cigarettes were released the frequency of smoking had doubled.