Autobot Beginning To Think Maybe This Isn’t A Surprise Party For Him

By Scott Slute

Ottawa - As a convoy of big rig trucks pulled into Ottawa yesterday, a disappointed Autobot is starting to think maybe this isn’t all of his friends coming to surprise him this weekend for his birthday.

Jazz (a cybernetic life-form from the planet Cybertron who’s species known as Transformers have the ability to turn into trucks) has been stationed in Ottawa since 2019. Due to Covid-related restrictions, the Autobot hasn’t seen any of his friends since coming here and was really hoping this group of truck was his robot friends in disguise.

“Optimus Prime my dear friend! You made it down to surprise me for my birthday! And you brought all the boys,” Jazz excitedly yelled as the first round of the convoy rolled in, only to be met with silence, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Boys weekend in Hull!!”

Though the trucks have so far only been filled with Canadians protesting lockdown and vaccine mandates, Jazz is hopeful that maybe his friends are just running late.

“Autobots, let’s roll out to the strip club,” Jazz hopefully yells at each passing truck, only to be met with silence and someone waving a Canadian flag strapped to a hockey stick.

Update: The Toronto Harold has learned the other Autobots did intend to come for Jazz’s birthday but were all sent into quarantine after the Canadian government refused to recognize Cybertron’s domestically produced Covid-19 vaccine.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold