Ford Chases Out Last Remaining Covids From Ontario

By Scott Slute

Queen’s Park - Ontario Premier Doug Ford has happily announced that after over two years of battling the pandemic, he has finally chased away the last remaining covids.

“Folks, thanks to all my hard work and leadership, as of March 21 there is officially no more covid in the province,” announced a triumphant Ford.

“Look around you, do you see any covid? I don’t see any covid,” Ford continued, “And as I’ve learned through my policy making over the last few weeks, what we don’t see can’t hurt us.”

Ford says he corralled the remaining covid’s all the way to the Quebec border in his F-150, where he then shooed them over the provincial lines and was heard shouting, “And stay out, ya hear!”

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold