Andrew Cuomo Gives Long, Passionate Farewell Kisses To His Team

By The Harold Team

Albany - Following an ongoing sexual assault case, New York governor Andrew Cuomo has announced he will be stepping down from his position in 14 days, giving the governor just enough time to hug, kiss and grab the asses of his all staff one final time.

“It’s been a true honour to work with each and every one of you,” Cuomo told his staff, “Now line up so daddy can lay a big wet one on ya before I go.”

Several members of the team expressed their sadness in seeing the governor go.

“I know he was a monster, but he was our monster,” said 27 year old staffer Chip Hanson, “It didn’t even feel like we were in an office working here. It reminded me more of my party days at FSU. He’ll definitely be missed.”

Cuomo stated his decision to step down was to avoid the people of New York having to endure the lengthy court battle, marking the first time in his 3 terms he took other’s feelings into consideration.

“I want to be clear that my decision to step down has nothing to do with the 11 women coming forth or the 168 page report condemning my behaviour,” Cuomo said in his resignation speech, “The people of New York need their government to govern. I will be stepping so they can stop focusing on this case and get back to killing the elderly.”

After his announcement, the governor then forced his staffers to watch a 3 hour montage of all the times he kissed people and how normal and consensual it was, to Gloria Allred’s delight.