Ford Spotted Googling “Synonyms For Lockdown”

By Scott Slute

Queen’s Park - Following new provincial capacity limits in the wake of the rapidly spreading Omicron variant, many Ontario residents worry that another lockdown is imminent. However, during his press conference today Premier Ford assured the province that wasn’t the case.

“Folks, I promised Ontario would not go into another lockdown,” stated Ford, “We may, however, enter what I’m calling a ‘provincial confinement’.”

Members of the media noted Ford was very clearly reading from a note page app on his Blackberry 10 titled “Other Names 4 Lockdown 2021”.

“We may also have to enter an ‘involuntary home imprisonment’, or a ‘mandated confinement’. But I promise, my government will do everything to avoid a third lockdown.”

Ford did however state he was considering bringing back the colour-coded region system now with 4 new colours. He winked directly into the camera and stated he was really excited about the all new “Magenta Zone.”

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold