Rising Fuel Prices Prompt Esso To Rethink Fall Line Of Pumpkin Spice Gas

By Andrew Scott

Toronto - With the sudden spike in gasoline prices in Ontario, Esso Canada is reconsidering its marketing decision to offer pumpkin spice regular, premium and diesel gasoline to consumers throughout the GTA for the remainder of the fall.

“As a Director of Community Outreach for Esso,” states Andrew Buchanan, “I have put together many compelling marketing packages for the company, such as rainbow-tinted gasoline in time for Pride, an entire fleet of harvest inspired Fall gasoline options, not to mention our beloved peppermint and candy-cane scented oil changes during the month of December all of which align with the congruent values of this corporation and its customer base.”

Noting public concern about continued rising prices and overall spikes in inflation, Buchanan acknowledges that in addition to halting their current pumpkin spice offerings, Esso is now considering a line of desperation scented gasoline that reminds this city’s consumers of empty cupboards, dashed dreams, and housing regret.

Andrew Scott is a musician and writer who lives in Toronto in a house amongst children, antiquated technology of yesteryear and many, many instruments. Instagram, writing, poetry, more poetry.