Trudeau: “I’m The Sham-wow of Prime Ministers”

“Vacation with Aga Khan? I mopped that scandal up like spilt black coffee on hardwood!”

By Paul Dudar

Ottawa - An irate yet cocky Prime Minister Trudeau took to the floor of the House of Commons on Wednesday in an attempt to pass his party's Budget C-31. If the PM fails to pass this bill through the Commons it will force an election by the fall.

“Ok, what now fuckos??!??!??” Remarked Trudeau,“I’m like the Sham-wow of Prime Ministers. I can absorb and wring out whatever you throw at me!”

“Tried to get SNC Lavalin off the hook for some heinous shit they did. I wrang that one out like soap after I washed my car,” scoffed Trudeau.

“Lit $1 Billion on fire with the WE Charity numbskulls.....ok, I really thought that one was gonna screw me, but instead....ya, I soaked it up like red wine on a Persian carpet.” Trudeau said, while miming wringing out a Sham-Wow.

“Mr. Speaker!” opposition leader O’Toole chimed in. “Canadians deserve a Prime Minister who’ll tell the truth!”

“YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH,” snapped Trudeau, “Who’s gonna be the next guy? O’Toole, You’re like Hank Hill without the charisma!”

“Me!” Shouted NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh.

At press time, MPs from all parties were engaged in a breakdance fight that this reporter could only equate with a mix of West Side Story and Michael Jackson’s “Beat It”.

Paul Dudar is a contributing writer at The Toronto Harold. More of Paul’s work can be found on Twitter @PaulDudar and his website www.pauldudar.com