Ford Replaces Minister Of Long Term Care With 800lb Gorilla

Queen’s Park - After facing backlash for replacing alleged mass-murderer Merrilee Fullerton with globe-trotting quarantine criminal Rod Phillips as Minister of LTC, Ford announced this morning he would once again be shuffling his cabinet and appointing a new minister to the role.

“Folks, Kerchak the 800lb Gorilla is going to do a great job as Minister of Long Term Care,” Ford said about the Scarborough-Rouge Park MPP, “He has a lot of knowledge on bananas which those elderly folks love to eat… probably.”

Not everyone is pleased with the decision, with some critics pointing out that Kerchak has a troubling past.

“I understand Minister Kerchak was responsible for a very small incident at a Canadian Tire in January while serving as Minister of Dismantling Big Box Retailers,” Ford said defending the cabinet shuffle, “But Minister Fullerton killed 4000 elderly people. Kerchak simply maimed a few dozen employees for allowing store capacity to reach 16%.”

Minister Phillips said he was releaved to have been replaced from the role of Minister of LTC as it would allow him to focus on his true passion of tracking down Carmen Sandiego.