Christine Elliot Brings Out Minister Of Dopeness ‘Master Missy C’ To Explain Why AstraZeneca Is Cool

By Paul Dudar

Toronto - At a press conference on Friday, Minister of Health Christine Elliot helped to clear up some confusion surrounding the safety of the Astra Zeneca vaccine. "Maybe, I can't explain it, so I'll ask my friend Minister of Dopeness Master Missy C if she can explain."

Elliot pulled from behind the podium an oversized Baseball cap and Ray-Ban shades with put on a 90's Starter Raptors pull over. In a display that critics have since called "completely deranged" and "culturally offensive," Elliot got "real with Ontario, yo!"

“MAKE SOME NOISE PEOPLE!!!! I know you kids aren't down with the AZ aight?" Elliot shouted into a mic that was not connected to any sound system. "But I'm here to tell ya, that shit is da bomb!”

As Minister Elliot continued her incongruent and baffling performance she attempted to dance around the podium. Unfortunately, her robot-like demeanour meant this was impossible.

"Everbody yell ASTRA!" shouted Elliot to no response from the assembled press. "Lemme hear ya say Zeneca!" continued Elliot, to visible concern from her staffers.

"You can take that AZ shit even when it bad, yo! You can mix it with some other Pfizer and Mo-dern-a too! Hustle up and show me dem pipes, get ya shat!" Exclaimed Elliot tearing off the sleeve of her jacket and showing the assembled press her "guns."

Paul Dudar is a contributing writer at The Toronto Harold. More of Paul’s work can be found on Twitter @PaulDudar and his website www.pauldudar.com