Toronto Motorists Struck By Sudden Mass Amnesia After First Significant Snowfall

By Paul Dudar

Toronto - Following the first big snowfall of the year, many commuters making their way through the city of Toronto found themselves struck by the mysterious ailment. 

"I don't know what happened to me," said Stella, who commutes from Mississauga to a Marketing Analytics job in the downtown core. "I jumped behind the wheel, started the car, and pulled into traffic then, suddenly, I forgot how to drive,” Stella continued, "I didn't have any choice but to pull into the left-hand lane and drive half the speed limit all the way to work. All the while, looking around as if I'd never seen snowfall before, even though I've lived here my entire life. People behind me were losing their shit."

Professor Smith Van Shirley, from the University of Toronto's Psychology department, has seen this phenomenon throughout her career. "Hibernal Vehicular Amnesia is all too common in commuters throughout the GTA in the winter. Especially, after the first snowfall. Victims simply get behind the wheel and completely forget how to fucking drive."

When this reporter asked if people who suffered from HVS suffered from discrimination Professor Van Shirley replied, "There is no acceptance of it whatsoever. Other motorists simply scream uselessly at the vehicle ahead of them, occasionally making rude gestures,” Dr Van Shirley continued, "The worst part is, the average victim of HVS is doomed to repeat this cycle every time there is new snow on the ground, no matter what."

At press time, Stella was heard commenting to her co-workers "Can you believe the snow out there?!"

Paul Dudar is currently serving with The Royal Canadian Space Shuttle Door Gunners. More of Paul's work can be found at @pauldudar and on his website at pauldudar.com