Peter Mackay Moves Back Into Stephen Harper’s Basement After Failed Conservative Party Leadership Bid

Ottawa - After fulfilling his obligatory seven-year “relevancy appearance”, Peter Mackay is returning to cultural obscurity and moving back into the walkout apartment located in Stephen Harper’s basement.

The (*note: google what peter mackay job is now) announced his run for Conservative Party leader earlier this year, but lost to the guy who looks like your dad’s best friend who he sees once a year Erin O’Toole

Mackay told reporters, as he was carrying his backpack, pillow, and a 6-pack of Moosehead from his 2016 Hyundai Sonata into Harper’s house, that he “just needed a bit of time to get back on his feet,” but wouldn’t be staying more than a week. Two weeks tops. In fact, Jason Kenney’s lease ends in September so the two of them are probably going to try and find a place together in Saskatoon.

Harper seemed as elated as a cyborg could possibly be, and attempted his best “smile” while greeting his old friend. The duo plan to spend the duration of Mackay’s stay living it up like they did in their heyday. Harper tells us the that two are planning to stay up past 11pm every night, attempt to radicalize the Canadian right even more than when they led the country, and drunk text Belinda Stronach.

The pair have a long relationship together, stemming from the time in 2003 when Harper cucked Mackay into giving away his party during the merging of the Progressive Conservative Party with the Canadian Alliance Party to form the current Conservative Party of Canada.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold