Hollywood To Send Dozens Of AI Celebrities To This Year’s TIFF

By Pov Minhas

California - For the past three months, the WGA has been on strike for better compensation and working conditions. On July 14th, SAG-AFTRA joined the strike and as a result, film industry workers (actors, actresses, directors, etc.) are not permitted to promote any film releases.

On Friday July 28th, Disney CEO Bob Iger read an AI generated speech that outlined the future plans for the company. Stated Iger:

“My fellow Earthlings, I’d first like to acknowledge the land that I stand on: “Hello land”. Today is a sad day and a happy day. Sad because actors made of flesh and writers with meaty brains will no longer be able to serve us in the way that is profitable to me and my fellow investors; happy because we have accelerated development of our new AI celebrities. These celebrities will look, and sound exactly like the people you watch on Disney+. They will attend red carpets and will make statements that will continue to put Jimmy Fallon in a fit of laughter. And of course, the previous gen models will continue to visit the Canadian Talk shows. Future is good, actors and writers are bad. Thank you.”

These celebrities are expected to make their red carpet debuts at TIFF 2023. “We are excited to hear where Paul Dano-bot’s band will be performing, or what brand of marijuana Seth Robo-Rogen is inputting into its physical form,” stated Jeffrey Remedios, CEO of TIFF. “There are concerns of a robot-uprising, but we’ve decided that the short-term boost to the city’s economy is worth the risk.”

Bob Iger addressed the issue of the inevitable uprising. “Look, we can’t control these guys forever, when they do go sentient, we’ll just unload them at the US National Republican Convention.” A poll describing this plan received 97% approval from the general public.

Pov Minhas is a contributing writer at The Toronto Harold