Doug Ford’s Current Legal Strategy To Hide Under A Big Pile Of Coats, Hoping The Whole Thing Will Just Go Away

By Andrew Scott

Ottawa - Following a summons to testify at the Emergencies Act investigation in Ottawa yesterday, Ontario Premier Doug Ford was a “no show” at today’s Legislative question period as he currently adopts the legal strategy of hiding beneath a big pile of coats in hopes that this whole inquiry thing will simply go away. 

According to those closest to the Premier and his legal team, Ford, who is quite fond of making comfortable pillow, blanket, and coat forts, as well as long midday naps utilized to blunt out the encroaching reality of a subpoena from the Public Order Emergency Commission, has found the “hide under the coats” defence strategy particularly effective when dealing with issues of judicial proceedings, citing his 2021 heritage building demolition fight and wind farm cancellation.

When confronted with the news that Ford had, in fact, lost both these aforementioned legal battles, Ford’s personal lawyer Gavin Tighe acknowledged not remembering the legal outcome of the cases as, by that point, he too had joined Ford for a down coat swaddled afternoon nap. 

Andrew Scott is a musician and writer who lives in Toronto in a house amongst children, antiquated technology of yesteryear and many, many instruments. Instagram, writing, poetry, more poetry.