House Hippo Officially Declared Extinct Due To Housing Crisis

By Scott Slute

Nature - The WWF has announced today that due to the destruction of it’s natural habit, the North American house, the North American House Hippo has officially gone extinct.

The foundation determined after an exhaustive survey that all possible habitats for the house hippo had been eliminated within reasonable doubt. The last house hippo was believed to have died earlier this spring in one of Kevin O’Leary’s Toronto homes.

Experts had been warning for years that the house hippo was unable to thrive in an environment with adult roommates or in condos, but unfortunately for the tiny aquatic mammal the message was not heard.

However not all experts agree that the lack of housing led to the demise of the hippo. “House hippos were scavengers who primarily survived off of snacks,” says Dr Emily Frost, “And with the rising cost of grocery inflation most people who could afford homes did so by forgoing food. Meaning there was nothing for house hippos to eat.”

Dr Frost also confirmed that unfortunately the North American house hippos were unable to digest No Name brand potato chips.

Advocates are urging politicians across the country to address the on-going housing crisis, citing this extinction as a grave warning that if nothing is done even more imaginary animals could be lost.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold