“How Does This Keep Happening?” Wonders City Officials Who’ve Done Nothing To Make Roads Safer For Cyclists

Toronto - Following yet another collision resulting in the death of a cyclist, Toronto city councillors are scratching their heads trying to figure out how to resolve this problem without spending any money or doing any work.

“Of course I don’t want to see residents get killed by unsafe roads,” Mayor John Tory announced, “But what is the solution? Make separate lanes for bikes? Call them ‘bike lanes’? I’m sorry but we don’t live in fantasy land.”

The Toronto Harold has opted to leave out specific details of this incident as we plan to reuse this article when the exact same thing happens in a couple of weeks.