Ford Assures Province His Stance On Vaccine Passports Has Nothing To Do With His Anti-Vax Daughters

By Scott Slute

Toronto - As Ontario’s daily COVID cases hit over 700 this weekend, Premier Ford is holding firm on his stance to not implement a vaccine passport on the grounds that it might make his daughters sad.

“Folks, I understand some of you want this. But what am I supposed to do, not go to The Keg with my whole family before I close everything next month?” the Premier said to the gathered press core, “Or worse, just go with Kyla and listen to her talk about her goddamn cookie business for two hours? You think that’s fair to me?”

Both Kayla and Krista Ford have come out firmly against vaccines, to the criticism of many Ontarians. Both have posted to their social media pages urging their followers not to get vaccinated after they conducted extensive research, with Krista having received her doctorate in virology while playing in the Lingerie Football League

Ford has stated before that a vaccine passport would create a split society, but more importantly to him it would create a split Ford family.

“I need to put Ontario first. And right now that means putting myself first by not making my home life mildly uncomfortable. Lord knows I can barely govern this province when I’m not stressed out. Imagine the piss poor job I’d do if my family was sending me passive-aggressive texts all day?”

Despite an obvious solution staring right at him, Ford believes shutting the province down again would be easier than causing tension in his home. Ford described the impending third lockdown as “fun” and “like an annual winter vacation” and laid-off worker could “live off their family’s label business money.”

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold