Local Satire Writers Excited For Ontario To Go Back Into Lockdown So They Can Return To Shitting On Doug Ford Full Time

Toronto - With Ontario reporting 700 new cases of COVID-19, the highest single day numbers yet, many residents are anticipating the province to go back into lockdown. For the writers at local satire site The Toronto Harold, a province-wide lockdown will mean returning to their full time jobs of cyber bullying Premier Ford.

“I’m pretty excited to finally get back to work,” Toronto Harold founder and editor in chief Scott Slute tells us from behind the counter as he warms up our pizza slices, “The province is anticipating a second wave of COVID, and I’m anticipating a second wave of viral shares for my posts! Haha, that’s comedy! Anyways two pepperonis and a Coke will be $11.67.”

Paul Dudar, a Toronto Harold writer who has been living in the abandoned offices of the Harold since June, shares the enthusiasm of getting back to doing what he loves.

“This full time job thing over the summer has been great, but I really miss waking up in the mid-morning, turning on the TV and watching ol’ Douggie struggle through a press conference. I just hope this time around he holds his press conference at 2pm cause CHCH does re-runs of Mission: Impossible at noon.” Paul then proceeded to polish off the rest of his mickey of Canadian Club, mumble something about CERB, and pass out in his office chair.

When asked his thoughts on the return of The Toronto Harold, Premier Doug Ford responded, “What the fuck are you talking about? Oh is that the police budget thing I kept getting tagged in on Instagram? By the way, make sure to follow @fordnationdougford! I sometimes comment on 6ixbuzz posts because I’m #hip and with it!”

If you’d like to help The Toronto Harold continue operations, head to the Support link on our site. Anything helps, after Scott invested all the Google Adsense revenue into ventilator stocks.