Bleach Sales In Washington Shoot Up Overnight And No One Is Sure Why

By Scott Slute

Washington, D.C. - Resudent of the US capital city woke up this morning to find store shelves completely stripped of bleach, and many are left wondering who is buying it all up, and why.

“Well I haven’t heard about anything happening, but I don’t have social media and I don’t read the paper until after my morning walk,” local resident Dianne Hart tells us while out on her morning walk, “Someone in Washington must be doing a real deep cleaning of their kitchen and bathroom because that’s the only reason I can think of for needing that much bleach. It certainly couldn’t be to fight off a disease, that would be crazy!”

Some Washington insiders are speculating that it was President Donald Trump who bought up all the city’s bleach. It was revealed late last night that Fridays are the President’s laundry day, and given that he only wears white shirts and looks like a guy who constantly spills coffee on the front of himself, many believe he is buying up all the bleach to keep his whites looking fresh.

“Oh this? Ya this is nothing don’t worry about it,” White House groundskeeper Carlos Lopez tells us as he unloads a pallet of Clorox and 5000 medical-grade syringes into the White House loading docks, “Uh, ya sure, this is just for cleaning. Definitely not for anything else. Only normal, doctor recommended things happen in the White House.”

Experts tell residents not to worry, as they are anticipating store shelves to be fully restocked with bleach by November 3.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold