Leaked Documents Reveal All Nick Nurse Wants For Christmas Is Another Shoulder Rub From Drake

By Andrew Scott

North Pole - A North Pole workshop security breach and subsequent dump of previously classified documents to Reddit on Friday has uncovered a November 2022 letter to Santa Claus from Toronto Raptor’s Head Coach Nick Nurse in which he wishes for more shoulder rubs and massages of encouragement from Drake as this year’s Christmas gift. 

“Dear Santa Claus,” Nurse’s leaked letter begins, “2019 was a year of firsts for me, including winning the NBA Championship. And while that was an obvious highlight, the moment during Game 4 against the Milwaukee Bucks when I felt the strong, yet sensitively timed grasp of a four-time Grammy-award winning rapper on my tense shoulders is a coaching memory I’m not soon to forget.” 

While Nurse’s letter also goes on to ask Santa Claus for another shot at an NBA championship, insiders familiar with the Kringle gift giving policy acknowledge that Claus provides only a single gift per letter writer, much to the chagrin of Raptors fans.

Andrew Scott is a musician and writer who lives in Toronto in a house amongst children, antiquated technology of yesteryear and many, many instruments. Instagram, writing, poetry, more poetry.