Air Canada Implements $350 Service Fee If Travelers Want A Sanitized Seat
By Scott Slute
Toronto - Air Canada announced this morning they will be adding a new surcharge of $350 if passengers want their seat sanitized before takeoff.
The new policy has been implemented in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic. Air Canada announced in a statement unveiling the new sanitization fee that their passenger’s health and safety was a top priority, but noted that Lysol wipes aren’t free.
“Sure, you could not pay the $350 sanitizing fee, that’s fine, that’s totally your choice we can’t make you,” an Air Canada rep tells us. “But, how are going to explain to your family that you were the one responsible for passing along COVID to your grandmother, all because you didn’t want to pay a tiny little fee,” the rep continued, proceeding to hold up a framed photo of this reporter’s grandmother that used to rest on top of my parent’s mantle.
Although some recent flyers thought they could forgo the fee and wipe down the seat themselves, Air Canada made it very clear that passengers are unable to sanitize their own seats, as only a certified Air Canada Cleanliness Technician making $14.40/hour was qualified to properly sanitize the seat. Air Canada stated that, in fact, Lysol wipes actually posed a terrorist threat and if anyone even tries to sneak some in to their carry-on luggage they will be jailed for 15+ years.
The new sanitization fee joins the lengthy list of other add-on fees when flying Air Canada including the checked baggage fee, early check-in fee, and the fee to spray down the wings before take-off with an “anti-gremlin coating”, referred to as the William Shatner Fee.
“Look no one’s flying anymore and we can no longer sell passengers $22 cans of Heineken okay. We have to make money somehow, it is what is. Don’t wanna pay the fee? Go fly WestJet and pray to whatever God you believe in that they remembered to grease up the landing gear!” said extremely flustered Air Canada CEO Calin Rovinescu in a bizarrely candid statement.
Some passengers are opting out of paying the new fee, not because they aren’t concerned about COVID but due to the fact that it’s actually been a real toss-up lately whether or not you’ll actually have a seat to sit on after boarding the plane.
“Last time I flew Air Canada Rouge, the seat had been completely ripped out and a pole had been put in it’s place,” recent Air Canada passenger Rebecca Love tells us, “The flight attendant told me to just hold on really tight, then told me again in French.”
The fee is of course non-refundable, however Air Canada did announce they would offer flyers one free water bottle upon landing on their next flight if they did choose to cancel.
Scott Slute is the Editor-in-Chief at The Toronto Harold