Breaking News: Ontario Science Centre Rebranded As “Big Dougie Ford’s Prohibition-Era Speakeasy”

By Andrew Scott

Don Mills - As the LCBO strike lingers on, insider documents layout a plan to turn the beleaguered and recently closed Ontario Science Centre into a 1920s themed prohibition-era speakeasy offering flapper girls, back-room card games, stride piano playing, and free flowing bootleg moonshine.

“Linking together and solving two distinct problems that face our province at once is exactly the type of synergistic thinking that defines this Progressive Conservative Party,” stated recent Ford appointee Steve “Lucky” Santarino, while hawkishly surveying the centre’s former Space Hall for any potential card counting and general 1920s-era appropriate tomfoolery.

While the plan does not specify a dress code for the speakeasy, gaiters and short-legged trousers are strongly suggested due to the centre’s underfunded, dilapidated and leaky roof.

Andrew Scott is a musician and writer who lives in Toronto in a house amongst children, antiquated technology of yesteryear and many, many instruments. Instagram, writing, poetry, more poetry.