Doug Ford’s Alternative Booze Video Now Updated With Instructions On How To Make Bathtub Gin

By Andrew Scott

Queen’s Park - According to provincial media watch dogs, Ontario Premier Doug Ford’s recently released video promoting LCBO alternatives during this time of the work stoppage has been updated to not only include different options for the purchase of beer, wine, cider, and coolers, but a handy how-to recipe for making bathtub gin.

“Folks,” said Ford, who can be seen in the video standing ankle-deep in what he says is his family recipe of cardamom pods, orange rinds, and week-old sweaty gym socks, “Once you get a taste of this delicious concoction, you’ll not only forget about the LCBO, but about every other disastrous political blunder I’ve made during my time as premier.”

Although Ford’s party insiders are not yet sure how they will eventually take back and privatize the production of Ford’s bathtub gin in order to siphon even more money away from public education and affordable housing, all enquiring media has been assured that they are currently working on it. 

Andrew Scott is a musician and writer who lives in Toronto in a house amongst children, antiquated technology of yesteryear and many, many instruments. Instagram, writing, poetry, more poetry.