Canadian Government Signs Up For ‘Credit Karma’ To Start Tackling 2.4 Trillion Dollar Debt

By Scott Slute

Ottawa - As the end of the 2020 fiscal year approaches, Canada’s public debt is expected to rise considerable from measures taken to assist Canadians with the ongoing pandemic. In an effort to get ahead of this debt, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced that the Canadian government has signed up for the debt-management app Credit Karma.

“My friends, my fellow Canadians, we just got Canada’s credit score back and its an 87, which is less than ideal,” Trudeau announced. With a credit score of 87, the Canadian government is considered a “very poor borrower” and makes lenders hesitant to give Canada money. With their current score, the Canadian government is limited to only being able to borrow money from the Chinese government in exchange for Vancouver condos. 

“I’m pleased to announce that starting Monday, Canada is going to begin a sensible and manageable debt-repayment program,” continued Trudeau, “Our friends at Credit Karma have suggested several ways to begin repaying our debt, which we are going to do as soon as all those students we mislead pay me back their CERB.”

To help improve their credit score and repay their debts, Credit Karma suggested the Canadian Government start brewing their own coffee at home instead of buying it every day, and saving money on rent by relocating the capital to London, Ontario.

Although many Canadians were happy to hear their government was taking the steps to get their finances in order, others were quick to voice their disappointment the government had gotten into so much debt. 

“We’re quite disappointed they let their debt get so out of hand,” said Canada’s parents, the UK and France, “We taught them excellent money management skills, like how to rape and pillage the resources from a third world country, but they just wanted to spend all their money on public health care. Well, we certainly aren’t going to bail them out this time, this will be an excellent lesson for them.”   

With their new repayment plan, the Canadian government hopes to be living debt-free before climate change completely eradicates humanity. 

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold