Feds Appoint Body Break Team To Lead Vaccination Taskforce

“We all know that getting a vaccine shot can sting so it’s important to limber up before you get the injection”

By Paul Dudar

Ottawa – After weeks of low numbers of administered COVID vaccinations, Prime Minister Trudeau has appointed two of Canada’s most experienced health care practitioners to take over vaccinations.

“Vaccinations need to shape up, and there are only two Canadians that we can turn to for results,” Trudeau proclaimed from the front of Rideau Cottage, “Which is why I’ve restarted the 1988 Participaction Initiative for the COVID era.”

The PM was then flanked by Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeode both jogging on the spot six feet apart from one another. The couple became famous in the late-80s and throughout the 90s for their commercials dedicated to encouraging Canadians to be active.

Trudeau stepped away from the podium and Johnson stepped forward. “Don’t worry Canada, by the time we’re done, you’ll have Pfizer in one arm and Moderna in the other,” touted an optimistic Johnson, “But before that, we all know that getting a vaccine shot can sting so it’s important to limber up before you get the injection.”

“Instead of having the doctor insert the vaccine, try lifting your arm directly into the needle to help build strong shoulder muscles.”

McLeod then raised her hands above her head and started a series of arm swings. “It’s important to do a few arm swings to get the blood flowing. Reportedly, the Moderna vaccine really kicks like a mule. Don't forget to shake it out after,” said McLeod. Johnson and McLoed then shook their arms in unison as an overly excited Trudeau joined in.

A Chinook helicopter arrived overhead and dropped a rope. “So, until next time,” screamed Johnson as he grabbed the rope. “Keep fit and have fun,” continued McLoed as she also grabbed the rope. The Chinook then lifted the couple over the Ottawa skyline and into the sunset.

“And, don’t forget to drink water today, you stupid bitch,” chimed in Trudeau as the press core groaned because they’re getting kinda tired of his bullshit.

Paul Dudar is currently serving with The Royal Canadian Space Shuttle Door Gunners. More of Paul's work can be found at @pauldudar and on his website at pauldudar.com