City Of Toronto Implements Pilot Project Reclassifying All Bars As Gay Bars For Pride

By Jessica K

City Hall - The City of Toronto has launched a new pilot project reclassifying all bars as gay bars just in time for Pride. Other official Toronto bar classifications include: dive, sports, and titty. This reclassification aims to create more safe spaces for queer people, free of bigotry and harassment from that one handsy drunk woman.

This pilot project was developed in partnership with the LGBTQIA+ community following concerns of queer spaces being gentrified by straight women and their poorly dressed boyfriends. A longtime resident of Church and Wellesley commented, “We want everyone to feel welcome, but the gaybourhood is becoming the Nashville of neighbourhoods; it’s nothing but bachelorette parties and country music.”

Barbara Slayz, General Manager of Toronto’s Transportation Services and Urban Yassification explained: “What defines a gay bar? Is it go-go boys in crop tops? Is it lesbians discussing Subaru repairs? No, it is a vibe. Currently the vibes in Toronto bars are completely off. To improve the vibe and the economy, we will become the first city in the world where all bars are gay bars.”

An Uber driver expressed support for the pilot project stating, “People leaving gay bars are the best tippers!”

The new pilot project will not impact the operation of dark rooms, as no one has jurisdiction over what happens in dark rooms.