Classroom Gecko Fears Second Lockdown Could Mean Spending Months At That Idiot Wyatt’s House

By Scott Slute

Brampton - A classroom gecko at Dorset Drive Public School is expressing his concern for a potential second lockdown. Gary the Gecko, a 4 year old leopard gecko and classroom pet in Ms Taylor’s 6th grade class, worries that if schools close again he could be trapped all winter at the home of least popular student Wyatt. 

“It’s deeply concerning to me that I could be trapped with that dork Wyatt,” Gary the Gecko tells us in an exclusive sit down, “He’s just so lame and weird. He spends all day thinking no one sees him eating his boogers. I see it Wyatt! Everyone knows what you’re doing when you stick your hand underneath your mask.” 

Gary the Gecko also expressed concern for his physical safety, claiming Wyatt has an unhealthy obsession with the fact that you can pull his tail off and it will grow back. 

“Yes, it is pretty cool I can do that, but it still really hurts and also when it grows back it’s not the same colour and everyone is going to ask me about it,” say Gary the Gecko.

Wyatt, known for being easily the most annoying student in Ms Taylor’s class, is scheduled to take Gary the Gecko home over the weekend of November 6th. If Gary the Gecko’s prediction is correct, and a second lockdown is announced in the coming weeks, that could mean spending the entire winter listening to Wyatt scream homophobic slurs at his Nintendo Switch while playing Fortnite. 

“I can’t even stomach the thought of spending 3 months with that nose picking, mouth breathing nerd,” Gary the Gecko says of the 11 year old Wyatt, “Send me home with someone cool like Tisha. Or Andre, his dad is rich so they’d probably bu me those good crickets. The ones with the juicy legs. Yummy.”

Gary the Gecko said he would also like to be brought home by Mekayla during a lockdown, as she has the most Tik Tok followers out of the entire class and Gary the Gecko tells us he believes he has strong Tik Tok potential. 

“I could definitely go viral on Tik Tok if I was locked down with Mekayla,” Gary the Gecko tells us, “I’ve been practising all the dances but honestly I think I just have that natural star power. If she just showed me off to her followers just do my every day cute stuff we could easily be hitting six digit views. 

This reporter attempted to interview other student’s from Ms Taylor’s class during recess, however police were immediately called and I was promptly escorted off the premises. As soon as this acid wears off I will be posting my one-on-one interview with Gary the Gecko. 

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold