BREAKING: Doug Ford’s 800lb Gorilla Reportedly Vacationed To Saint Lucia Over The Holidays

By Scott Slute

Toronto - Yet another member of the premier’s cabinet has been exposed for traveling abroad for the holiday season despite the province wide lockdown orders. This time, it was non other than the premier’s own 800lb gorilla Kerchak who traveled to the island of Saint Lucia with his family.

Kerchak, Minister of Dismantling Big Box Retailers, is said to be taking an extended holiday and has reportedly been out of the country since December 21. Many speculate the minister’s absence is the reason Ford has not followed through on his word to come down on big box retailers.

“Friends, let me say I am more disappointed than you can even imagine at Kerchak’s reckless decision to travel abroad,” said Ford, “I could barely believe what I was hearing when he told me he had booked his flight several days before his trip. I may have responded ‘Wow that sounds fun! Enjoy!’ but it was in an extremely disappointed tone.”

Kerchak is reportedly not stepping down from his role as cabinet minister, as none of the other monkeys in power are as capable as he is at handling this pandemic.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold