Doug Ford Bans All Weddings He Isn’t Invited To

The Premier is seen here, maintaining what he refers to as a “six foot distance” from other wedding attendants.

By Scott Slute

Toronto - As COVID-19 cases continue to skyrocket this week, the provincial government announced today it would be decreasing social gathering limits to 10 indoors, and 25 outdoors. The only exception being if you’re hosting a super awesome wedding and you invite Doug Ford to it. Then feel free to go wild. 

The premier found himself in hot water last month after photos of him attending MPP Stan Cho’s wedding surfaced online. Many critics pointed out the hypocrisy in Ford attending, after he had spent all summer urging the people of Ontario not to attend large gatherings, including weddings. 

Yesterday, Ford reminded Ontarians that all protocols were adhered to, and that it was different because he is Doug Fucking Ford and you’re just some idiot. 

“Folks, whenever I’m with anyone, social gathering, I always maintain a 6 foot distance,” Ford stated in yesterday’s press conference, while his cabinet ministers stood closely huddled behind him. 

Ford also announced earlier this week new fines for those breaking COVID related laws. He stated, “Ontario will have the highest fines of any province for those found breaking social distancing and quarantine laws. We are implementing a zero tolerance police, as stopping the spread of this disease is of utmost importance. However, if you’re an American billionaire, then please feel free to cross back and forth between the US/Canada border at your leisure and not quarantine. That obviously goes without saying.”  

Mask use will continue to remain mandatory across the province. Unless of course you put some tasty spring rolls in front of the Premier, at which point it’s anyone’s guess what happens next. 

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold.