Doug Ford Claims Ontario Place Needed To Be Bulldozed To Clear Space For Taylor Swift’s Private Jet

Toronto - The premier of Ontario stated that Ontario Place’s West Island needed to be clearcut in the cover of darkness last week so the city could build a makeshift landing strip in anticipation of pop megastar Taylor Swift’s upcoming concerts in Toronto.

“Folks, we all know that no one’s a bigger Swoftie than this guy,” Ford stated while pointing his thumb to himself, “Billy Bishop doesn’t allow jets of that magnitude, and we can’t possibly expect our Queen to take the UP train down from Pearson. My hands were tied.”

The destruction of 850 trees and dozens of historical buildings will allow just enough space for Swift to park her Dassault Falcon 7X during her November shows at Roger’s Centre. And Ontario Place’s close proximity to Lake Ontario will provide Swift’s team a perfect place to dump her waste into.