Rising Costs Forces Porter Airlines To Now Serve Complimentary Labatt 50 On All Commercial Flights

By Andrew Scott

Toronto - Porter, the regional airline flying out of Toronto’s Billy Bishop Toronto City Airport, made the difficult decision Monday to alter its longstanding tradition of offering complimentary bespoke craft beer (Steam Whistle, Ace Hill, Beau’s Lug Tread) on all outbound commercial flights. In what must be among the most evident harbingers of the impending Canadian economic recession, the private airline will now be serving Labatt 50 for the foreseeable future.

According to CEO Robert Deluce, “While we do want to continue our longstanding tradition of ensuring that our customers feel both smug and sanctimonious as they sip on their overpriced craft beer while noisily flying over the hundred-year-old cottage homes located on the Toronto Island, we had to acknowledge the recent challenges to our bottom line and pivot accordingly.”

No word yet as to whether Porter’s in-cabin wine service will be replaced with Mateus Rosé or ethanol-infused “Great Value” grape juice.

Andrew Scott is a musician and writer who lives in Toronto in a house amongst children, antiquated technology of yesteryear and many, many instruments. Instagram, writing, poetry, more poetry.