Statler And Waldorf Testify Before Senate Committee On Capitol Riots

“That guy isn’t right, he’s Alt-right!”

By Paul Dudar

Washington, D.C. – On Wednesday, the Senate Committee hearing into the January 6th Insurrection at the Capital entered its second day starting with testimony from 2 of the GOP's largest and best-known donors, Statler and Waldorf.

The duo has a long history engaging with far-right politics and their relentless persecution and heckling of comedian bears and amphibian variety show hosts.

Once the pair was sworn in questioning started from staunch Trump supporter and all-round dipshit Sen Josh Hawley (R- Missouri). “Mr. Statler, Mr. Waldorf do you believe that President Donald Trump was responsible for the violence at the Capitol on January 6,” asked Hawley.

“Who said that?,” asked Waldorf.

“The gentleman on the right,” replied Senator Peters (D-Michigan).

“That guy isn’t right, he’s Alt-right!,” answered Statler as the duo chuckled boisterously.

The questioning continued and came to Senator Klobuchar (D-Minnesota), “Mr. Waldorf, why have you been promoting the fiction that Antifa was responsible for the riot?”

“What? Auntie Fa wasn’t there!,” replied Waldorf angrily.

“We haven’t had her back since she got drunk and puked at Thanksgiving!,” countered Statler as the duo chuckled again.

The duo closed with a prepared statement. Waldorf proffered, “What came out of that riot wasn’t half-bad.”

“You’re right! It was all bad!,” finished Statler.

A Toronto Harold poll at press time showed Statler and Waldorf with a 90% approval rating with Q-Anon adopting Republicans in the 2024 Presidential race.

Paul Dudar is currently serving with The Royal Canadian Space Shuttle Door Gunners. More of Paul's work can be found at @pauldudar and on his website at pauldudar.com