Ford Says It Was Actually Evil Twin Brother Who Promised Paid Sick Days
By Scott Slute
Queens Park - Last Friday, the Premier delivered a heartfelt virtual press conference where he apologized to the people of Ontario for his mishandling of the pandemic and stated his government was working on a paid sick leave program for essential workers. Many residents thought Ford was finally changing his tune, but unfortunately it was revealed this morning that it was just another prank by his evil twin brother Gloug Bord.
“Folks, I know many of you were disappointed that for the 117th time since the beginning of the pandemic, my government voted against paid sick days,” the Premier announced early this morning during a virtual press conference, “But rest assured that was never going to happen, because once again my evil twin Gloug Bord impersonated me and made promises my government never planned to keep! Folks, Gloug is a troubled man.”
Ford then ran off camera, returning to the screen moments later now sporting a fake moustache and wearing a large black cape.
“HAHAHA, yes it was me all along, Gloug Bord! I was the one who made empty promises my brother had no intention of keeping,” said Ford as the fake moustache slowly fell off his face, “And even worse, Justin Trudeau has put me in charge of Ontario’s vaccine rollout plan! So nothing is Doug’s fault, it’s been me and the federal government this whole time! Mwhahahahaha!”
“Gloug” then left the camera and “Doug” returned to the screen, having forgotten to take his cape off.
“So you see folks, as my evil twin brother clearly explained, nothing is ever my fault.”
The conference then opened up for questions.
“Mr Ford, if ‘Gloug Bord’ is your evil twin, why does he have a different last name than you,” asked Mike Fern from CBC Toronto.
Ford, who is still unable to work Zoom, simply walked off the camera instead of answering, leaving the virtual press core staring at the gazebo in his mother-in-law’s backyard.
Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold
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