Ford Quarantining After Close Contact With Efficient Worker

By Paul Dudar

Toronto - After several weeks of with little to no communication, Ford’s office has revealed the Premier has been in a self-induced quarantine after coming in contact with an effective worker. His administration has assured us that he is well and still definitely for sure in control of the government.

Ford reportedly came in contact with the hard worker at an Etobicoke Tim Hortons while picking up his breakfast sandwich.

With COVID cases on the rise, forest fires in the north, schools about to start, and the issue of vaccine passports coming to a head, timing could not be better as the Premier might actually have had to make policy we’re he not away.

Since stepping out of the public eye, his staff noticed a major rise in his popularity. A source close to the Premier told the Harold "It’s waaaaay easier to cover up the fact he's a dumbass when he’s not flapping his gullet on TV, 3 hours later than when we announced he would be there. He might be able to quarantine himself into being Prime Minister.” 

When we inquired where the Premier has been quarantining, our source confirmed that Ford has been up at his cottage in Muskoka for the last several weeks. Our source stated he has for sure been quarantining, and definitely not out on his jet ski everyday.

At press time, the Harold received a leaked email from Conservative Leader Erin O'Toole saying, “Just shut the fuck up and we'll be ok!"

Paul Dudar is currently serving with The Royal Canadian Space Shuttle Door Gunners. More of Paul's work can be found at @pauldudar and on his website at pauldudar.com