Local Man Too Embarrassed To Ask What Olympics Are

By Scott Slute

Markham - 37 year old Tom Howard is adamant that he knows what the Olympics are despite making it very clear to the rest of the office he’s lying.

“Did I catch the Olympics last night? Obviously not, I’m fully vaccinated,” Tom tells a fellow co-worker, “I’m just kidding of course I know what the Olympics are that would be crazy I’m 37 years old. Me and my wife, who you guys still need to meet she’s just been really busy, do it all the time. I meant watch it I said watch it.”

Tom is adamant that he has always known what the Olympics are and definitely didn’t have a traumatic and embarrassing incident during 1992 that shaped the rest of his life.

“What, you think that during the entire summer of 1992 I was inside with a tutor because I still hadn’t learned how to read? And then four years later all the kids in my neighbourhood were talking about the Olympics and I just pretended to know what that was? That’s crazy,” claimed Tom, “Of course I know what the Dream Squad is and also it’s perfectly normal to not be able to read by the age of 9.”

Tom says he’s really excited for him and his friends, which he has lots of probably way more than you, to go cheer on Micheal Phelps doing that thing this coming Sunday.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold