Dr Fauci Allows Tinder Dating, Says To Take Precautions You Probably Should Have Always Been Taking
By Scott Slute
Washington - Dr. Anthony Fauci, America’s strict but loving stepfather, recently stated that citizens could meet Tinder dates if they were "willing to take a risk" with their health, advise most of us probably should have been adhering to even before a pandemic.
In an interview with Good Luck America, the 71 year old immunologist said going on Tinder dates while on lockdown was “what’s called a relative risk” to your health, especially if one of his profile pictures included his truck.
Dr. Fauci advised that if you were to meet a date, to first “sit in a room and put a mask on, and you know, chat a bit. If you want to go a little bit more intimate, well, then that's your choice regarding a risk.”
The recommendation to get to know someone through conversation before getting intimate, as well as wearing appropriate protection, came as shocking news to users of the popular dating app.
“I’ve never used any form of protection while on a date with a complete stranger I met over the internet,” said 26 year old Sara Clarke, “But if wearing a mask will help stop the spread of this disease I’m willing to wrap it up. My face that is.”
It was advised by the doctor that as long as the strange man you’ve never met in person had been self-isolated for 14 days and was showing no symptoms of COVID-19, it would probably be safe to let him flop around on top of you for a couple minutes.
As most the country has been on lockdown for over a month now, horny singles are delighted with this news.
“I just wanna have sex,” said 31 year old Tinder user Nadia Holt, “I’ve spent the last month just talking and getting to know people I meet online. Sharing my hopes and dreams with them. Hearing stories about their childhood. It’s been way too intimate for my liking.”
Dr. Fauci also noted that if you had roommates, going on Tinder dates could also put them at risk of contracting coronavirus. However, after several weeks of listening to you have video sex over Zoom, drowning to death from fluid buildup in their lungs sounds far more appealing.
Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold