Defund The Police Movement Successfully Bankrupts Sting

By Graham Kritzer

New York – In what ‘Defund The Police’ advocates are calling a substantial victory and a huge leap forward for the movement, former Police frontman Sting has declared bankruptcy.

Democratic Rep. Cori Bush who has been somewhat of a defacto voice for the movement seemed to express relief that the Police had finally been hit where it counts – their wallets. “The Police have been responsible for countless instances of civil atrocity over the course of decades in this country; and it’s high time we fight back.”

It’s not known whether Sting himself has shot any unarmed youths, or planted cocaine on a 9 year-old, but the 70 year-old Englishman was never-the-less caught off guard. When approached for comment out front of the 32nd street CitiBank, Sting remarked “WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?”

When reporters informed Rep. Bush that it appeared that the wrong Police had been defunded, she shrugged and responded with “Roxanne sucks anyway.”

As of press time, Police drummer Stewart Copeland was repeatedly telling a Denny’s waitress to “try the card again.”