Ontario Considers Closing Schools, Moving Students Into Scotiabank Arena

Toronto - With the ability to [safely] hold over 10,000 people, the province is considering bussing Ontario students to the arena as an alternative to in-person learning in the wake of Omicron.

“We’ve seen that, unlike arenas, schools may not be as safe as we initially thought. Apparently doing nothing but buying a few rapid test did not slow the spread of the virus in our schools,” said Ontario’s Education Minister Stephen Lecce.

“Although it isn’t safe for 30 people to be in a room, it’s very clear that 10,000 people in one very big room shouldn’t be an issue,” Lecce continued, “And that’s why we’re considering replacing online learning with ‘Scotiabank Arena Learning brought to you be Coors Light’.”

Though if schools close and return to online learning a more obvious solution would be to provide paid subsidies so parents who need to stay home don’t have to miss work, Lecce said this solution is “fun”.

“Imagine the jumbo-tron lite up with algebra or whatever kids learn in school,” decreed an enthusiastic Lecce.

The province is set to announce logistics on how they plan to bus hundreds of thousands of students to the downtown core later today.