COVID-19 Now Only Third Most Concerning Thing You Could Contract At Filmores

Toronto - The city’s fifth most popular strip club has announced that all patrons must be fully vaccinated to enter when the establishment reopens this Friday, marking the first time in 16 months catching COVID is not the most alarming part about being inside Filmores.

A spokesperson for the club told us their reopening plan would be to put the health and safety of their employees and patrons first, which would mark an historic moment for Filmores.

The gentleman’s club has been a popular fixture of the Dundas and Jarvis neighbourhood for decades and is the place your dad probably had his bachelor party, with the upper levels boasting downtown Toronto’s only 2-star accommodations.

“Oh God, you mean there’s actually a hotel in that place? I thought that was just the name of it,” a local resident of the area tells us.

The club says fully vaccinated patrons can expect the same level of disinterested lap dances they’ve come to expect starting this Friday.