Naked, Greased Up Trump Evades Federal Agents In Mad Dash Through White House

Above: Trump disrobes in the West Wing about to cover himself in assorted greases from the White House motor pool and kitchen (Reuters)

By Paul Dudar

Washington - Late last night, in a final, desperate act of defiance against a legitimate and certified election, President Trump stripped down to his bare skin and covered himself in baking grease as his last stand.

“They can’t drag me out of here. I’m too slippery! Nobody has been as slippery as me,” declared Trump defiantly as he pranced through the Roosevelt Room.

Senior aides attempted to persuade Mr. Trump to leave the office without ceremony or incident, to little avail. According to Stephen Miller; "The election was stolen! The President will resist with every ounce of strength he has. He has greased himself up in defiance of the socialist Democrats and the deep state. He’s the slickest, greasiest President of all time.”

Throughout the late evening and early morning, the President moved throughout the East and West leaving greasy and oily footprints on the carpets while ruining century old furniture in the process.

“Oh the humanity! He got Crisco all over FDR’s wheelchair,” cried one White House tour guide, “In all my years I have never seen anybody behave so disrespectfully in the White House! And we get tourists from Philadelphia in here every day!”

At press time, Eric Trump and Don Jr. were seen dousing themselves in canola oil in the Lincoln bedroom as a SWAT team was gearing up in the Rose Garden, with Goo-Gone and Windex.

Paul Dudar is currently serving with The Royal Canadian Space Shuttle Door Gunners. More of Paul's work can be found at @pauldudar and on his website at pauldudar.com