New Study Finds Boarding Up Windows Before Election Maybe Not The Healthiest Sign Of A Functioning Democracy

By Scott Slute

Washington - A new study from the UN has indicated that the preparation for mass riotings in response to a country’s election results are probably a good indication that something is very wrong.

The study comes in response to elections being held today in the formerly first world nation of The United States of America. In preparation for election results, cities across the country have begun boarding up windows, instituting curfews, increasing police presence, and are copying many other tactics being used by the Chinese government in Hong Kong.

Despite the country seemingly preparing for it’s imminent collapse, many have noted that political unrest is a common theme globally during elections, and should certainly be of no concern that it’s currently happening in a country that possesses thousands of nuclear weapons and where guns outnumber people 3 to 1.

“Every country has a little push back after an election, it’s completely normal” says Columbia Political Science professor Richard Stamp, “Syria, Myanmar, Venezuela, these countries have protests all the time. The US is just like them.”

Internationally, residents of other countries are expressing their sympathies to US citizens.

“I totally understand people’s frustration,” said Vancouver Canucks fan Tyler Burnes, “I think it’s completely healthy and normal to burn your city to the ground if you don’t get your way. Or even if you do get your way!”

But things seem to be worsening in the US. Over the weekend, opposing militia forces clashed in parts of the North Eastern US. A group of right wing forces in Ohio drove their pickup trucks past a group of left wing radicals and shouted “Gay!” before driving off. In response to the attack, left wing forces tweeted out pictures of the truck’s license plates.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold