Home Depot Anticipating Slow Sunday As Dads Watch Kids For A Change

By Andrew Scott

Etobicoke - Reducing their workforce by 70% this May weekend, Home Depots across the country are anticipating their slowest business day in recent memory Sunday as the middle-aged dads who usually fritter away their weekends wandering aimlessly through the aisles staring at PVC piping and caressing shelving brackets with a tenderness of touch once reserved for their wives will be spending the day frantically figuring out how to use the toaster in a hapless attempt to bring breakfast in bed to the mother of their children.

According to Gavin Hallenbrook, Toronto manager of the home improvement conglomerate, “the second Sunday in May traditionally affords us the opportunity to restock shelves, organize supply issues and basically catch up with those few employees who actually will be on site that day with very little to do.” 

The Toronto BIA reports that it is unsure whether it will be this city’s nail salons or chocolatiers who will see the biggest bump in business this weekend.

Andrew Scott is a musician and writer who lives in Toronto in a house amongst children, antiquated technology of yesteryear and many, many instruments. Instagram, writing, poetry, more poetry.